Often maligned, it can not be disputed that in his prime he was a comfy bugger. Whilst the years may have indeed wearied him, I will remember fondly the somnolent welcoming of his cushions, and arm rest that even negated the need for a pillow. Whether it be a friend to simply sit watch tv with, or a bed to crash on after a big night, he was a support to many/all.
In times of reminiscence, it is sometimes postured: "if only the furniture could talk". In this instance, I for one am very glad it couldn't, for some of the sites and experiences this couch endured should never be spoken of by anyone or thing. Suffice to say that the trooper saw more action than a platoon of diggers on leave passes.
The "Josem" couch - so nick-named for the sagging 'hole' between the 1st and 2nd cushions, believed to be caused by tremendous number of nights Josem spent sleeping in that spot - was not always the faded and droopy specimen known to recent acquaintances. Indeed, he was once the pride (and probably most expensive occupant) of “Bulleen”. In this pad it was not taken with offence the cries of “FLOOR!” when someone ventured into the same room as the couch with take-away chicken & chips, burgers or pizza, for the carpet was clearly of lesser value. Interestingly, beverages we’re even encouraged to be drunk from stubbies rather than glasses as this reduced the likelihood of spillage onto the green fabric.
After nearly 10 years at that residence (by which time he was nearly of equal value to the entire flat), he successfully relocated to Hume St. Whilst detractors vilified him for his unique appearance (argued by some to be ‘out of place’ in this new, more stylish abode), he remained fundamental to all activities and events that went on there. When Josh moved in in 2005, he quickly claimed him as his own. (It is thought that during this period at Hume street that the notorious “Josem Hole” developed).
I couple of happy years and another move (to Château de Lexton Grove) passed before I was again re-acquainted with this old friend. In a miracle of circumstance, my arrival at Lexton in 2007 coincided with the meeting of the Josem couch with a younger, vivacious partner – a perfect match for our old friend! We all lived together here until this past month, when another impending move relegated the couple to the garage.
It was with terrible regret that over the weekend, with the move upon us and limited room in our new apartment, the decision was made to euthanase our waning mate.
Kelvin Jewell
Gold!
ReplyDeleteWiggo - From memory (it was a decade ago..!) the 'Floor' call was often directed at you (read, 'Get on the f*ckin' floor you clumsy oaf while spilling that beetroot laiden, grease dripping friggin' hamburger and VB!') I contend that the said 'Jesom' green couch would never have lived such a conspicuous existence without such avoidance measures. And we're all better for it...
Kelv - I thought that couch should be on the Organ Donar list or cremated. CSIRO could have identified the many exotic diseases and worked up vaccines to protect humanity as we know it...! Any highly contagious, mutating outbreak now is on your head...!
CJ
It's a freakin' miracle no girl got pregnant from been in the same room as that bloody thing, it was a carrier of all bodily fluids and diseases.........Ever since that fat ar$ed swamp beast was seen in buff on that couch my luv for for "it" became nothing but a nightmare that required frequent trips to the shrink for some quiet time on their couch!
ReplyDeleteShould have burnt the thing!
The only thing that was worth a 'shotgun, not' is no more - ah a sad farewell indeed
ReplyDeleteRIP, couch!
ReplyDeleteI'm a bit concerned about the poll... by the time I got back to the place it was almost dawn, and if I remember correctly, I had to kick "Hedders" off the thing first!
Geez, that couch has a lot of history in it. I can't believe it's not in a museum somewhere now.
The Josem hole couch will be long remembered thanks to this blog. In the future I look forward to my children hearing the great story of the couch and passing it on to their offspring.
ReplyDeleteBTW Josem, lay off the pies bloke.